thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
