while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I want is dick and wine.
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