Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
