she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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