i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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