i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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