She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
