Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
