i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
