Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
