I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
