Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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