the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
this hospital has no fireball
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
