i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Holy shit dude........stairs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize