I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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