She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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