i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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