I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
