You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
