you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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