Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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