so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
