She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize