considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
