Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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