Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
