You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
