I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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