what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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