i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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