He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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