My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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