someone threw a dead crab at me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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