Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
