Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
