well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
