I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
