your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
