and you said cock pushups were impossible
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
