He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
