I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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