Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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