We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
