And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
