I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
