I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
