I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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