I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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