I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
