even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
