1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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