fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
