she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
