nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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