she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize