I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize