I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You took a bar mat shot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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