so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
