honey bunches of taint.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Randomize
