so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
