I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
