Apparently you make a good broom.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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