Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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