i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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