I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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