the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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