WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
