Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
