We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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