I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
